The Best Made Plans
by AnthroBug84
Summary: James' proposal plans don't quite go as...well, as the saying says, planned. Contains language not suitable to younger readers and hints at sexual activity but barely. OneShot


**The Best Made Plans…**

As Lily let herself into the apartment, something foul assaulted her nose. It smelled strangely like…burnt chicken? Lily whispered, "What the bloody hell? Is someone cooking?" She was suddenly very suspicious. James never cooked, for anyone. So she quickly opened her purse to retrieve her wand. There was no way she was going to go any further without protection. Once her wand was out and pointed directly before her, she crept towards the kitchen. As Lily approached, the stench increased and she noticed a small haze, almost like smoke, drifting from beneath the door. "Crap," Lily cursed, "the apartment's going to burn down!" She quickly reached out to open the door.

"Lily!" A voice behind her exclaimed. Lily quickly tuned with her wand ready to find…James. He was standing at the top of the stairs with just a towel around his waist and his usually messy hair slicked back from his shower. If Lily hadn't been so terrified, she might of realized how becoming he looked with water slowly trickling down his finely toned body. "Shit! You're home early! Why are you early? I thought you weren't supposed to be back until 7? Why are you early? Fuck, Lily, I'm not ready." He rambled on like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

"James, what are you doing?"

He stared at her blankly for a couple of second and then opened his mouth to respond. Suddenly there was a loud ringing throughout the house as the smoke alarm Lily had forced James to install went off. "Fuck!", yelled James. "The chicken, oh God! I knew I shouldn't of done it the muggle way." He jumped down the stairs and ran past Lily into the kitchen.

But Lily just stood there frozen. "Did he say _muggle_? Oh God, what was he thinking?" Not only did James never cook, he always seemed to have the worst luck when it came to doing anything muggle related. 'Could James be polyjuiced?' Lily thought. It was highly unlikely, but just in case…As Lily opened the kitchen door, after waving her wand to silence the alarm, to follow James, she quickly racked her brain for a question that only the real James would know.

"James," Lily slowly said to his back as he removed the burnt food from the oven. "What was the name of the cat that attacked Petunia when she caught us that time in the woods?"

"Hmm?" he asked, and she repeated the question. He looked up at her questioningly, after throwing the chicken into the trash, and replied, "Mr. Pudding Foot. Why?"

"Oh thank God," Lily mumbled under her breath. She then looked up and saw that he was still looking at her, so she said, "Oh! Nothing! Just, um…James what were you trying to do?" She quickly changed the subject to distract him.

"Oh, right, the food. Well, you see I just thought that, uh…it would be nice?" He smiled sheepishly at her. He looked so adorable that Lily was easily placated and she smiled while slowly shaking her head at his ridiculousness. "What will I ever do with you?" Lily laughed. He visibly seemed to relax and was soon laughing as well.

"Sorry. Well, maybe we can just have sandwiches instead." Lily nodded at James' suggestion. "Sure. How about I make them while you go upstairs to get dressed." James blushed deeply as he realized that he was still only in his towel and quickly left the kitchen.

After putting together some sandwiches with peanut butter and apple slices, Lily went out into the living room to wait. James joined her only a minute later. He was dressed in navy blue slacks and a pale blue dress shirt that accentuated his aqua eyes. "Don't you look dashing. Is there someone special coming over later that I should know about?" Lily joked.

James leaned down to kiss her lightly on the lips. "Unless that someone is a foxy redhead named Lily, then no" His husky voice made Lily's blood boil and she looked away to hide her blushing cheeks. 'How is that even after all this time, he still makes me feel like a giggling schoolgirl?' Lily mused. "I'll just go get us something to drink. Be right back." And James went back into the kitchen.

"Champagne?" Lily asked, surprised, when James came back with a bottle and two flutes. "Is there some sort of anniversary I've forgotten?" James just laughed and shook his head. "I thought it would be…nice."

"Nice? When have you ever described something as _nice_? I swear, if you use that word one more time I'll be forced to think you're up to something." James blanched slightly and asked, " Why would you think that?" Lily just lifted an eyebrow in response, but said nothing.

James set the glasses down and promptly began to try and open the bottle…the muggle way. Lily's eyes widen in horror and she began to stand when the cork popped off. James was so surprised that he had actually gotten it, that he dropped the bottle, where is shattered on the floor.

"Shit!" James cursed and he quickly bent down to gather the pieces. "No!" Lily screamed. He looked up at her, confused. "You could cut yourself. Let me do it." She waved her wand over the mess and it disappeared, leaving no trace.

"Sorry," he sheepishly said, again. Lily smiled comfortingly at him and said, "I'll just go get us some water." He nodded and as she left, she gave him a quick peck on the cheek, saying, "You're adorably ridiculous."

When she returned, James was attempting to start a fire in the fireplace…the muggle way, again. Lily sighed, 'When would he ever learn?' "James, I know you're just trying to be _nice_, but I really think you should just use magic. We both know you're hopeless when it comes to this muggle stuff."

James had jumped when she first spoke and was now blushing deeply at her comment about his lack of ability. "Right. Well, I'll just go," and he tripped over the edge of the rug as he tried to leave, "…get my wand."

Lily, who was trying hard not to laugh out loud, didn't realize that she had hers until he was already out the door. She just shrugged and lit the fire anyway. She then sat down on the couch. The warmth of the fire was making her rather tired, so she stretched out and closed her eyes while she waited for him to return.

The first thing James noticed when he came back was that the fire was already lit. The second thing was the angel sleeping softly on the couch. This night was not turning out as he had planned. 'Oh well,' he thought. He gently tiptoed over to the sleeping beauty and bent down to give her a kiss on the forehead.

In her slumber, Lily felt something tickling her nose. Her foggy brain told her it was probably a fly, so she quickly raised her hand to swat it away. But her hand hit something a little bigger and her eyes snapped open at the loud "Fuck!" from James. He was holding his nose and there was blood running down his face.

"Oh my God! James, I am so sorry!" Lily quickly waved her wand to fix his nose and ran into the kitchen to get some towels to clean off the blood.

When she returned, he was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. She sat next to him and held his chin so that she could clean the mess. When he was all cleaned, she finally looked up into his eyes and saw that he looked almost as if he wanted to cry.

"James!" she exclaimed. "What's wrong, sweetheart?" He cringed at the sentiment, shook his head, and turned away from her imploring gaze. He couldn't let those gorgeous green eyes of hers see the disappointment etched on his face. Lily brought his face back to her and softly said, "Tell me, please."

"It's just that, I worked so hard on this night and then I just had to go and mess it all up and now you'll never say yes and I'll never get to marry you and you'll leave me and I'll die alone and heartbroken and…" He trailed as he hung his head.

Lily was looking at James as if she had never seen him before. "You…you wanted to marry me?"

"Yes, but now you'll never say yes cause I completely ruined the entire night. First with the chicken and then the champagne and I worked so hard, doing everything the muggle way cause you're muggleborn and all, but it was all for nothing and now you'll hate me and leave me and…" But he never got to finish because Lily had grabbed his face and kissed him soundly on the lips.

James pulled away in surprise. Lily was beaming at him as she said, "Yes!"

"What?" he asked. Lily laughed and exclaimed, "Yes, I'll marry you, you twit."

"You will?" He was completely dumbfounded. He had been so convinced she would never agree because had messed up the entire night, but then…

"Of course I will. I love you!" And James kissed Lily because he was so happy that it was the only thing his mouth was capable of doing at that moment.

After a few minutes, James pulled back so he could reach into his pocket. He then kneeled in front of Lily. She squealed in excitement and covered her face with her hands. He opened the box and presented to her a beautiful diamond ring. "It's not very big, but…"

"It's perfect!" Lily exclaimed, making James blush again. James slipped it onto her finger and then kissed her once more.

This time it was Lily who pulled away. "Did you have anything else planned for this _nice_ evening?"

With mirth in his eyes and smirk on his face, James replied, "I had some ideas."

Lily smiled as she leaned towards him. With a husky voice, she whispered into his ear, "Why don't you show me." James moaned in anticipation. He then grabbed Lily's hand and pulled her giggling up the stairs. Let's just say, that these plans were far more successful.

THE END


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